Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
