is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
