so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
