shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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