just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
