GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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