New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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