Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
