but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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