When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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