I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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