You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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