If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
