i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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