I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
