His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
