i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
