I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
