i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm at about main and main street
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
