You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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