i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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