You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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