I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Randomize
