I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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