i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
