At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
