I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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