Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
