yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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