Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She told me I should be a condom model.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
