Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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