she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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