What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
