I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
