The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
