no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
