The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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