You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
