Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
