Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
