Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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