you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
