6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
