If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
