take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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