no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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