Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
