I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
