I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
