The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
