The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
