Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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