she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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