I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
