We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
