You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
