Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
