my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
