I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's get the cat blown out
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
