Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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