id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
