i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
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Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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