he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You took a bar mat shot.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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