i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
