hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
