Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize