Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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