Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
