he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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