just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
vagina is talking i cant
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
