I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
