I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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