please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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