just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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